I’ve come to know my husband’s friends, both males and females quite well and in some cases their other halves as well. Generally, they’re a good bunch, minus some rotten ones, who naturally got excluded from our lives – we’ve had some fantastic times and I’ve grown close enough to some of them to consider them my own good friends too. I enjoy close friendships with many of my own choosing as well so I can Imagine how reliable a male friend can be to females, compared to their own lot and most women are such control freaks and attention seekers that not many of your own kind can tolerate your existence up close for too long. But when these male friends of yours move into a romantic relationship with a female they naturally will move out of the platonic one they have with you, make your peace ladies that is my message to you.
- I’m sure you have no creepy feelings for him, you’re intimate with a man in your life too but your actions and sudden hate towards me is symbolic of the opposite. Please get this inside your thick skull: I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN FOR HIM, I AM THE SMARTEST AND MOST RELIABLE PERSON. Everything I say and do is what he loves, I live to please him because he is the most important to me, I am the epitome of a woman. He does not care if you look beautiful or not, you’re not his ideal. If his first phone call is not to me, that is dangerous ground but if his first phone call is not to you, IT’S JUST NATURAL. He has a primary, THAT’S ME.
- When a man is with a woman, he is in a partnership. Your friendship should ideally extend to our marriage, if you consider him so important in your life. You are welcome to disappear and I promise you he will never miss you. Your foul feelings towards me will only drive him away from you not me.
- Is he not investing in his relationship with you, yet he is investing all his time and energy into his relationship with me? Read this for what it is. ITS NATURAL. Understand it for what it is, its the most Important relationship of his Life.
- You may think I can not understand what he means to you or I am unable to fathom how important he is to you, I am not forbidding him from keeping in touch with you, you may think I am controlling him and that is why he has grown distant from you. I can assure you, there is no such thing. If it were however true, you mean so little to him that he let you go. But like I said, all women are not automatically your enemies when they become more important than you in your friend’s life. I too have male friends, who are like brothers to me. I too enjoy genuinely loving, totally platonic and extremely pure friendships with male friends. But when I met your friend and started on this journey wherein i moved from a single female to one that was committed, my priorities changed. I no longer turn to my male friends at first instance for every important decision of my life, they are still very important to me and will remain so but when it comes to it, I have to respect my man’s primary place in my life and therefore my relationship with my male friends has been adjusted and they’ve been very understanding about it as well.
- I have been in your place as well, I’ve had to experience it first hand too and I must admit I didn’t like my male friend’s girlfriends at first go. Its totally natural. But later on, whether I liked them or not did not matter, my friend was happy and the love of his life was making a better man out of him. Nothing pleased me more than to see him happy, even if he had eyes only for her. So what? He has to spend his life with her, might as well live up to his place on her pedestal. I’ve had no choice but to embrace the woman in my friend’s life, simply because I valued my friendship and I realized I was more at peace & enjoyed a deeper friendship now than ever before.
- The possessiveness you feel towards him, mine is tenfold. So please treat my husband with respect, especially around me and also behind my back. As husband and wife, we have a fair idea of our boundaries and we have discussed them, our communication is very clear on this. The dynamics of his entire life will be effected by his partnership, some parts of his life more than others so if it includes his dynamics with you, don’t force to stop the evolution.
- If you have not already found someone, you will and I pray soon. Only then can you fully understand what it is like to share your life with a man. If however you are already romantically involved / married / partnered, you must revisit your relationship with your other half because he should be your primary not my husband. You are your man’s main responsibility and not my husband’s, please don’t confuse his duties with your partner’s.
- The best thing to do when you feel jealous or neglected is to put yourself in my shoes, would you want your man to not put you first? would you like it if he ditched you for his friends every time? That’s not healthy at all. Do you think you’d respect his friends if they didn’t like you and openly criticized you? Would you like it if your friend had to chose between his girlfriend/wife and you? So why put your friend through that? You have to understand that there is now a line that you cant cross and that means keeping your bitter opinions about his choice of a woman to yourself. Once again, hating me wont make him like you any better.
- Healthy marriages include supportive friendships for each spouse with other women and men. Outside support is necessary, for the marriage to flourish rather than become overloaded or stale. However these relationships should not feel threatening to either one of the partners. If these relationships do feel threatening however, we have a dialogue about it, wherein we explore our fears and fantasies together. Afterwards, we seek to come up with boundaries, while respecting one another’s need for independent relationships that do not threaten our marriage.
On a closing note, It was pretty clear to me when I met my husband that he shared close friendship’s with many male and female friends and they were a huge part of his life and I was always okay with that, I appreciated what a good friend he was, I embraced all his friends even if I wouldn’t chose them on my own and extended genuine friendship towards all of them. I didn’t see any reason to make it a contest. I have lots of friends, male and female, and I think to have a close friendship with another person is a blessing. But as it is so, one sided and selfish friendships falter and die the test of time and natural evolution of life forces out those that do not work. It is up to you to make up your mind about the value of your friendship towards my husband. Please always remember, your friend is MY HUSBAND and not the other way around.