Draaactaaar saaaab enter thee heero af the filam…

Mai Hero aff Laife

If only real-life was like the movies and we had assurity that the ‘HERO’ of our low budget movie will eventually arrive. LADIES, you know what I will say will make no difference to our current situation but I will say it anyway.

The Lord has stopped making amazing men. Let me rephrase that, Lord has stopped making MEN. Period. I come across the nicest looking men, the stable, sensible, the gentleman but then there’s always that thing missing. Sometimes they turn out to be such blondes, other times duds, then there’s the famous hormonal bitch, the complainer and the one that makes you feel like you’re on a ladies night out with your girls where everyone is allowed to express openly in their PMSing state. Oh, the kinds of gay tendencies I see. Then there’s the wanna be bad boys. Puke. No, you don’t turn us on. Off is the only direction our switch is going. It has nothing to do with the fact that I like Sin City. I am not a bad-ass girl, don’t pretend to be. I am as domesticated as any traditional woman of my country and want simple things in life.

Bad-ass meets Trophy wife

I don’t expect prince charming or Mr.Right but I would like myself practically possible traits off the menu please. Chivalry, Courtesy, Maturity, Mental Stimulation (even if he’s ever played video games he has a chance), humor (because he’s just a bore otherwise), quick on the uptake (slow is translated as blonde in my mental calculator). And hey, if he’s a good son, a good brother, a good friend, he will be a good husband. Because he gets the most important relationships and he knows how to support them.

Mr Right LEFT ME

Okay I wont be entirely ungrateful, I wont deny that I have come across some real nice men in my recent years. But here’s the catch, they’ve been friend’s boyfriend, finance, already my brothers in law or worse promised to some other woman and I am anything but a home wrecker. Who wants to be the other woman? Not me. But here’s their turn off, what in the world are they doing with the ladies they are with?

This universe is playing a sick game I tell you. All the nice guys are with the crankiest, most ungrateful and ugly girls. By ugly I mean inside. I don’t usually take people on face value (literally). All the nice girls are with sorry-excuse-for-a-man. These men, they don’t realize their woman’s worth and still like to stick their manhood between the legs of common women who turn on their charm for the very purpose of getting them in their panties. This universe is sick, I know of people who were great together but one wrong move and one clever home wrecker and whoopa, the man has been successfully lured in by the other woman and fallen victim to her smarts. Hence proven, men are NOT smarter than women. And I being a woman, don’t like this matter-of-factly clear truth.

Here’s one situation: DISCLAIMER: All characters appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental and if it’s NOT then it’s your story and now Ive made it mine. Sue me!

Toad

 

So, this immature boy named “Toad” is seeing this amazing girl named “Ponds”, they have this absolutely magical thing going until. “Morse face” happens. Morse face is a cross between Man face and Horse face, if you’re wondering. So between Toad & Ponds there was an element of ‘Haiya’ (modesty) to the extent that knowing Ponds’s deepest darkest secrets, Toad didn’t have anything dark enough to ever question her character. He was the ultimate boyfriend experience for her and as such there weren’t many secrets to spill. Anyway, so Toad & Ponds go on for a while and after some years part ways. Typically because of Toad’s nature on receiving something out of pure luck and not being grateful enough for it. Ponds goes on without him and remains intact as the person that she has always been.

Ponds

Not much changes with Ponds but with Toad, ah lets just say, his direction is south as is his nature and record forecasts. Toad had an on and off fling with Morse face while he was still seeing Ponds but they were meaningless and mostly just for fun. Now, however, after Ponds had finally moved on to her true potential, Toad setteled for non other than Morse face. Now Morse face had heard about Ponds’s character specifics from the angels, the devils and the stars alike, not to forget Toad himself would defend her honour with passion.

Morse face

Morse face used Toad’s weakness of Ponds after their separation to her advantage. She tried to fit herself into Ponds character and in order to reach her standards she came clean about the tiniest of details of her many affairs/flings/one night stands (or so Toad thought) and God knows what considering she was no less than a two penny brothel prostitute, the only difference was she wasnt paid for her services by any of her many customers. See Morse face thought like in the movies, where even the filthiest of women get a second chance by the priestY men of honor, she will seize to appear to him as the whore that he treated her like. Instead he will hold respect for her, maybe for her honest nature. So she tells him about all the boys she’s been with. Which one was first base, which one second base and how many at which base. So on and so forth. She does convince him she lost her virginity to him, which is a big fat lie because evidence has it otherwise. Regardless, Toad believes her and he remains inebriated most of the time so its easy for him to digest her stories of filth. Or maybe he just doesn’t care for her like he would Ponds so it doesn’t make a difference to him. The issue that bothers me is. He calls her honest. See there’s a fine line between Honesty and Baghairti. To me Morse face is obviously, without a shadow of a doubt, Baghairat. If you must ask

1. One’s past has nothing to do with another’s present correspondence with them so its easy to digest their baggage.
2. There are no questions about judging Morse face on the terms of a decent woman because clearly its even obvious to her (read ‘it’) that she is not part of the same class and never will be.
3. Honesty is when you’re asked about something where doubt exists and you answer it with the truth because only you know it.
4. Truth is told to defend one’s honor/stance.
5. Baghairti, however, is letting another dwell in the truth with details of former lovers. And if I forgot to mention Toad is very imaginative in this thought process, Warner brothers resides in his brain. And with the kind of information Morse face is expected to provide. All of porn industry now resides there, Warner brothers have been evicted casually.
6. Telling your current flame, you’ve had lovers, upon being asked of course, is okay by me. Responding to their inquiries is also okay by me. But not knowing when to call it “enough information” and showing them the “yellow card” is plain Baghairti.
7. The over information shows the likes of Morse face trying to impress Toad types with their abundance of experience and if it should not swing that way in their favour, it will just amount to honesty loving creatures in their favour and they’d be let off the hook on that count alone.
8. Two people in a successful relationship enjoy honesty, love and affection, equality, space and ultimately trust. I don’t see where baghairti comes into play.

Regardless of the points above, in this sick twisted story of Toad and Morse face their sole existence in each other’s life is defined by everything that comes under the banner of filth. Be it drugs, sex and alcohol or cheap parties, erotic conversations and passing time in fleeting moments of forced satisfaction. It all is meaningless. Ponds still has a standard Morse face can not reach try as she may. So moral of the story, Haiya is a safe bet. It will never make you regret anything big and you’ll always respect yourself, no matter what embarrassing situations you have to your name. You will always be able to laugh about them when you’re older and not turn red, blue and green like the many who will.

Alternatively, my lovely women get stuck with strange men they keep making excuses for. Their behaviours define to the world and its written very clearly on their faces, that they are ‘PRICKS’ but these lovely ladies. SIGH. They are the poor souls who feed their own misery. One just wants to shake them back to reality and recognize their own worth. But with their love so blind and their hopes and aspirations hanging by a thread, one wonders if snapping them out of their misery now is even a good idea. Seeing as they’re used to it, they handle it the same way all their lives and take it to their grave too. Such is the sad end of many poor women.

But to my opinionated, strong-headed, well-groomed, mature gals out there. I’ll share with you what one of my closest friends shared with me. We were literally sorority sisters in college and if we were not in Pakistan we’d probably be presidents of “Gamma Phi Beta”. Anyway, I’m complaining to Zee about how men have this irritating personality trait problem, not that I expect them to be perfect but really each one has some trait that makes you say “can’t live without you” and lay more emphasis on “can’t live with you”. So Zee responds by saying “Look there is always some shit with a guy right? we agree on this fact of matter and you have come to the conclusion yourself, so now you need to be told the other truth that there will always be some shit of a guy you will be obligated to take if you want to be with him. The question is what kind of shit your system allows you to take and what it doesnt. That defines what kind of a man is perfect for you and that my friend is the closest you’d get to being with a perfect man”