I’ve come to know my husband’s friends, both males and females quite well and in some cases their other halves as well. Generally, they’re a good bunch, minus some rotten ones, who naturally got excluded from our lives – we’ve had some fantastic times and I’ve grown close enough to some of them to consider them my own good friends too. I enjoy close friendships with many of my own choosing as well so I can Imagine how reliable a male friend can be to females, compared to their own lot and most women are such control freaks and attention seekers that not many of your own kind can tolerate your existence up close for too long. But when these male friends of yours move into a romantic relationship with a female they naturally will move out of the platonic one they have with you, make your peace ladies that is my message to you.

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  • I’m sure you have no creepy feelings for him, you’re intimate with a man in your life too but your actions and sudden hate towards me is symbolic of the opposite. Please get this inside your thick skull: I AM THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN FOR HIM, I AM THE SMARTEST AND MOST RELIABLE PERSON. Everything I say and do is what he loves, I live to please him because he is the most important to me, I am the epitome of a woman. He does not care if you look beautiful or not, you’re not his ideal. If his first phone call is not to me, that is dangerous ground but if his first phone call is not to you, IT’S JUST NATURAL. He has a primary, THAT’S ME.

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  • When a man is with a woman, he is in a partnership. Your friendship should ideally extend to our marriage, if you consider him so important in your life. You are welcome to disappear and I promise you he will never miss you. Your foul feelings towards me will only drive him away from you not me.
  • Is he not investing in his relationship with you, yet he is investing all his time and energy into his relationship with me? Read this for what it is. ITS NATURAL. Understand it for what it is, its the most Important relationship of his Life.

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  • You may think I can not understand what he means to you or I am unable to fathom how important he is to you, I am not forbidding him from keeping in touch with you, you may think I am controlling him and that is why he has grown distant from you. I can assure you, there is no such thing. If it were however true, you mean so little to him that he let you go. But like I said, all women are not automatically your enemies when they become more important than you in your friend’s life. I too have male friends, who are like brothers to me. I too enjoy genuinely loving, totally platonic and extremely pure friendships with male friends. But when I met your friend and started on this journey wherein i moved from a single female to one that was committed, my priorities changed. I no longer turn to my male friends at first instance for every important decision of my life, they are still very important to me and will remain so but when it comes to it, I have to respect my man’s primary place in my life and therefore my relationship with my male friends has been adjusted and they’ve been very understanding about it as well.

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  • I have been in your place as well, I’ve had to experience it first hand too and I must admit I didn’t like my male friend’s girlfriends at first go. Its totally natural. But later on, whether I liked them or not did not matter, my friend was happy and the love of his life was making a better man out of him. Nothing pleased me more than to see him happy, even if he had eyes only for her. So what? He has to spend his life with her, might as well live up to his place on her pedestal. I’ve had no choice but to embrace the woman in my friend’s life, simply because I valued my friendship and I realized I was more at peace & enjoyed a deeper friendship now than ever before.

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  • The possessiveness you feel towards him, mine is tenfold. So please treat my husband with respect, especially around me and also behind my back. As husband and wife, we have a fair idea of our boundaries and we have discussed them, our communication is very clear on this. The dynamics of his entire life will be effected by his partnership, some parts of his life more than others so if it includes his dynamics with you, don’t force to stop the evolution.

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  • If you have not already found someone, you will and I pray soon. Only then can you fully understand what it is like to share your life with a man. If however you are already romantically involved / married / partnered, you must revisit your relationship with your other half because he should be your primary not my husband. You are your man’s main responsibility and not my husband’s, please don’t confuse his duties with your partner’s.

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  • The best thing to do when you feel jealous or neglected is to put yourself in my shoes, would you want your man to not put you first? would you like it if he ditched you for his friends every time? That’s not healthy at all. Do you think you’d respect his friends if they didn’t like you and openly criticized you? Would you like it if your friend had to chose between his girlfriend/wife and you? So why put your friend through that? You have to understand that there is now a line that you cant cross and that means keeping your bitter opinions about his choice of a woman to yourself. Once again, hating me wont make him like you any better.
  • Healthy marriages include supportive friendships for each spouse with other women and men. Outside support is necessary, for the marriage to flourish rather than become overloaded or stale. However these relationships should not feel threatening to either one of the partners. If these relationships do feel threatening however, we have a dialogue about it, wherein we explore our fears and fantasies together. Afterwards, we seek to come up with boundaries, while respecting one another’s need for independent relationships that do not threaten our marriage.

On a closing note, It was pretty clear to me when I met my husband that he shared close friendship’s with many male and female friends and they were a huge part of his life and I was always okay with that, I appreciated what a good friend he was, I embraced all his friends even if I wouldn’t chose them on my own and extended genuine friendship towards all of them. I didn’t see any reason to make it a contest. I have lots of friends, male and female, and I think to have a close friendship with another person is a blessing. But as it is so, one sided and selfish friendships falter and die the test of time and natural evolution of life forces out those that do not work. It is up to you to make up your mind about the value of your friendship towards my husband. Please always remember, your friend is MY HUSBAND and not the other way around.

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In 2013, I met my now fiance at a training camp organized by the big MNC (which I cant name for its irrelevant) we both were working with from our respective ad agencies. It was mid summers, the heat was naturally at its peak and the training activity was taking us all the way up to Mishkpuri top, high up in the mountains I imagined it would be cooler.

We trekked, him & I, oblivious of the other’s existence (even though we rode in the bus together almost next to each other) He was quiet the entire bus ride and kept smoking or looking out the window not giving two hoots to anyone around, earplugs on, listening to his music. We trekked to the mountain (mission) where we were to camp out for the night, he was in a team of 6 and I was in a team of another 6, there wasn’t much chance of us mingling given his anti social attitude and my ignorance of such people.

I reached the camp side a few minutes past midnight and since we were the first one’s to the site, we had to figure out how to put up a camp, find fire wood, start a fire, everything for survival that night and in pitch darkness only with eenie weenie flash lights stuck to our ugly p caps (given to us by the training company). We managed everything in an hour or so and by the time other teams came to camp site, we had eaten, were about to retire to bed and turn off our fire (ahem, the fire we had started to cook). Gladly, the main men in my team were all chilled out guys, no high expectations from the only female in their team to cook up a feast and most of them retired to bed, satisfied, after only fried potatoes and quarter cup of tea. Some of the teams had collaborated and were cooking proper meals by combining their resources (which were diff for each team). There was one team with whom no one wanted to combine their resources, they were bunch of lazy people and worse off they were last to the mountain top. The female in their team, went to sleep in her tent as soon as she got there, so did three other lazies from the same team, which left one overly active leader of the team (my now fiance) and his sidey, hungry as hell and no energy or help from any other teams. Everyone else had eaten by now and were ready to go to sleep. This is the moment that put me face to face with my then not so fiance, let alone friend. He came up to the corner of the fire, with a white towel on his head, I couldn’t even make out his face in the dim light of a dying fire. He sat down and as nicely as he could requested, if I can let him use our fire, I said “Sure, Ofcourse”, which made him so happy I could only wonder with the competitive behaviour all other teams were showing, this must be such a relief to him. I was about to leave my spot near the fire, so his team can cook, when he returned with a big hollow stainless steel cooking pot and made a desperate face, politely requesting me to help him cook as well if it wasn’t too much to ask. I sat back down and asked him to show me what resources his team was given, apparently they were lucky in that department, they got rice and had this big cookware as well, something my team wasn’t blessed with.

Anyway, I did the best I could, with a little help from a local friend, an aged man provided by the training team to watch over us in the wilderness (he he, the winning team got reinforcements when they successfully finished tasks such as putting up camp and cooking etc). He chopped up the vegetables and my not so fiance back then emptied the entire rice bag into the boiling water, I slapped my hand on my forehead in disbelief, explaining to him how the rice will suck all the boiling water and still be too dry for the rice to be cooked properly, he told me it is no worry because he had plenty of water too and every time the water dried out, he would throw in big amounts of water, I kept going on in disbelief as this guy was hell bent on consuming all of their three day resources (for 6 persons) in the first night. The vegetable rice surprisingly cooked quicker on open fire, compared to any cooking oven at home or perhaps it was that gallon of water poured in so frequently, the more the rice sucked in the sooner it was ready.

I have to admit, it wasn’t the best I’ve made and certainly not the ideal moment to judge if I’m a capable candidate to become a successful home maker, but it was no less than a french cuisine cooked to perfection for him and his sidey, who were by now starving to absolute death. I then left them to it and retired to bed, accepting his shy thank yous.

When I woke up the next day ready to take in the day’s activities and my back aching mad, I remembered the guy from the night before and not being able to remember his name or his face. (I feel like the prince from Cinderella the morning after, as I reminisce). If at this moment someone had asked me if I saw for myself engaged, committed, or even so much as liking someone in the near future, I would have gagged. I had steered clear of men, romantic relationships and had completely married the three jobs I was holding, my earnings potential was all that mattered to me, I had plans of going around the world, maybe even venturing out, mostly though I was stuck in a rut of sorts. Enrolled in MBA, reaching my GPA potential, working three jobs, my idea of a good time was being at home, in bed and watching the gazillion seasons I was following.

This trip had us all moving indoors at a vacation spot for honeymooners, the next night on wards where our training would continue for the rest of the days. The training organizers concluded as a people we were too unfit and incapable of surviving or learning anything out in the wild. Even when we put up our best playing paint ball in the hills (I cant recollect my Cinderella interacting then either, wonder why he was so anti social). We did end up talking at the training session organized within the hotel, but it was too brief to be memorable and when I spoke with him by pure chance I remembered he was Cinderella from that night. His introvert, uncommunicative attitude wasn’t really encouraging to develop any kind of friendship, yet there was something about him that was magnetic, maybe it was just an independent woman’s secret fetish to help a man desperately in need assuring her of the ability she has to help a man and the man being secure enough in his masculinity to seek out the weaker gender in time of need.

Later in this training session, we had a bonfire, I got to know from everyone there that he was very funny and very friendly, also he was a very good dancer and very confident in showing off if asked. Basically he was the life of any party and contrary to my impression of him, which was that of a shy, quiet, antisocial, perhaps even rotten guy. I would like to mention here, he had long hair, a big beard and looked extremely tired and angry throughout the trip but I did catch glimpses of him smiling, though I reckon they were genuine smiles. He was probably just keeping up appearances.

With brief encounters at training sessions later and social events, we got talking properly like two strangers would on a personal level en-route home on the 6 hour long bus ride back. Of pets and perfectionist’s, obsessive compulsive disorders and photography, music and movies, we remained occupied the entire time engaged in conversation. When we got off our bus, three consecutive earthquakes struck and here I was thinking its just my head spinning from all that exhaustion. My Cinderella had disappeared and I went in a circle, full 360 degrees to find him and say goodbye. Disappointed when I couldn’t find him, I gathered the passengers who were hitching a ride with me and loaded the luggage in the trunk of my car, when I turned around there he was “Okay then, goodbye”, as casually as I could i said “ye you too, bye” Big smile on my face. Did I overdo it? It was just a frigin work trip, don’t make too much of it! He probably has a girlfriend, nice guys aren’t waiting around for the likes of me. OMG I’ll have to work with him probably in the near future, might as well be a professional, stupid feelings, what a girl, uff. What is wrong with you, Maha? Its just an average guy! Stop obsessing weirdo!

I go home and instead of sleeping, I unpacked happily and thought of every little thing we talked about so I don’t miss out on any conversation that could have potentially ruined my chance of being liked. Weekend ahead for everyone, exam for me. Wow, how easily I forgot about my GPA and any chances to prep for the exam were long gone. Next day I wake up, I was so fresh and singing happily going to take an early morning exam. I don’t even remember the pain of the cramps in my limbs or what I felt when I rammed my car into a drug addict, I only remember feeling happy and without a care in the world. Something I seldom ever feel.

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DAY 1

Fast forward to 2014, transitioning from strangers to friends to romantically involved, past quarrels, compromises and learning of one and another’s threshold. We were now officially engaged to be married and a month or two later our wedding dates were set and what I thought was a highly over rated ritual and extremely wasted time by many couples planning, I was buried under major stress because I was all alone in the planning process and so far in the execution as well.

Unlike everyone else I’d witnessed going through this time, I did not want to be buried under the stress of clothes and ‘shadi ki tayariyan’ nearing the D day. So my plan stated, putting all things into motion before Summers even begin. And so I began, searching for the ideal bridal dress, it was by far the most stressful task Ive had to perform as a female. Whatever another person wore was theirs, my mind told me I have wanted to wear red on my wedding since as far as I can remember, but my heart kept liking lighter shades. When this search activity caused my breathing to be hindered, I asked friends and colleagues and friend’ friend’s sisters also, basically anyone who would brainstorm with me. No one can obviously even imagine what a bride to be is going through, because its all in her head and she has such a hard time expressing her feeling of restlessness, helplessness weighing heavily, like a shy kid in a park feeling odd and alone.

In the almost 2 years we’ve known each other, I have embraced his passion for music, trance to be specific. I have watched him flourish, I have seen him break down walls mine and his own, I have watched him tired and stressed and I have experienced moments where he had nothing to say to me, sitting nearby it felt like he was farther away. I have watched him come closer to becoming the man I know he can be, his successes and his disappointments, his travel tales and secrets, Ive been right where I was 2 years ago watching him and I’d not change anything about it. Maybe if I had the ability to influence I’d have paid more attention to the two of us than just his individual successes. I wish I’d shared more of my aspirations with him, I wish he had made more effort to get to know mine. I wish we were better at communicating about difficult things long before I had to experience them on my own and recognizing a problem he knew would exist. I wish he was better at coming up with solutions than drowning with me in sorrow. I guess there is much growth yet for both of us as an entity, many good and bad days to test how invested we are in this partnership. But as the days get closer, I get more and more worried, less about him more about me, as a default I’m built to support and sustain others which is plenty fulfilling in the short run but for the long run when I revisit my actions and investments, I hold myself accountable for ignoring myself. I do genuinely enjoy his music, share in his world view, we seldom have any differences of opinion about things but when it boils down to it I feel estranged from everyone and not just him. Maybe its the blues of leaving my comfort zone (Abu ka gher chorna, as they say in our culture), perhaps its just simply the need of the hour for me to become a woman and do things I’ve watched my sisters do happily for years, while I preferred being little less than perfect in my casual overalls. Or maybe its the addition to my usual to do list which is pretty hectic as is so management is becoming a problem. Orrrrr, its all of those and some more reasons combined into one big giant ball of stress, my list grows but hardly anything comes off executed to completion. It is scary, the thought of depending on another person for all your emotional needs and not being able to function without them. It is scary when you decide to set out on an adventure not alone but with someone else. Your every move and every decision cant be made independently anymore, another life is affected by it and you have to be taking care of this person and this person has to take care of you so you should let them. Scaaaaaryyyyyyy thought, because what if you suck at being a partner? worse what if they think youre too difficult. How does a bride to be keep from drowning in negativity?

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DAY 2

Woke up in the morning and out of habit, walked straight to the bathroom, used the loo, flushed, moved on to the sink, turned on the water, grabbed my toothbrush and poured shampoo on my toothbrush, when it came close to my mouth I smelled shampoo and gladly figured out my absent mindedness before the toothbrush went into my mouth. Embarrassingly, I shook my head at my instance of foolishness.

Later that day at the office, was leaving for a meeting when the entrance manager attending asked me where my phone was and I inquired if he was trying to reach me. He handed me my cell phone, telling me I left it on the hood of my car when I came to parking earlier to put something in it. I apologized for my second instance of embarrassment that day.

I need a vacation. It’s like my mind has refused to work.

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I thought I’d be more excited on finally finalizing that I am ready to settle down with a good man. But as the days go by, i freak out a little more than yesterday and I question everything that brought me here to this day and what all i thought then would take me forward.

From the preps, to the day and then on, thoughts of something / anything / everything going wrong, LOOM LARGE. What if he stops loving me like he does now? Was 2 (or so) years enough to be sure I was ready to settle down? Have all my past disappointments left my fear factor? I have no doubt in all my thoughts that my fiance is THE BEST MAN I could hope to find. He is patient with me, he is loving, he is gentle (sometimes too much), he refrains from saying much to avoid saying not enough – his only fault., hes not a man of words. He listens to me and he tries to ease all my pains. Then what am I so afraid of? He’s never going to strip me of my freedoms! FACT. It’s not like I crave for financial independence or cant share my fortunes or compete for an upper hand or like to control this relationship or have a lose character. Its not that at all, I have the freedom to my thoughts (wild and imaginative as they may be), freedom to pursue any and all interests, freedom to have kids or not have any, work or dont work or work from home or never at all, he couldnt care so long as I am content, he loves without condition. Then what am I so afraid of? I ponder but the only answer that pops up is that I love him enough.

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DAY 4

How will I live without my car? my dog? my sister(s)? my mother? NO GOD DAMN IT!!! Is it too soon to back out? But what about my fiance? I love him alot, I want him to stay. Cant he just come live with me? Its wrong for me to leave my comforts and go embrace his, why cant he embrace mine. Ill keep him very happy. OH WHY OH WHY do the emotional ones get made to leave their everything? IM GOING TO LEAVE everything behind but him for this marriage. OH. MY. GOD. I am so sorry to God for ever enjoying freedom from all this attachment I am not ready to let go of just yet. Training myself to let go in 8 months. How will this get any better if I’ve cried to sleep three nights in a row thinking the same thoughts?


YOU! Yes you! Think twice before spreading a rumor. Here is a short story that explains the three filters of Socrates – The Ultimate Gossip Test. Here it goes:

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In ancient Greece (469 – 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom.

One day an acquaintance ran up to him excitedly and said, “Socrates, do you know what I just heard about Diogenes?”

“Wait a moment,” Socrates replied, “Before you tell me I’d like you to pass a little test. It’s called the Triple Filter Test.”

‘Triple filter?” asked the acquaintance.

“That’s right,” Socrates continued, “Before you talk to me about Diogenes let’s take a moment to filter what you’re going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?”

“No,” the man said, “Actually I just heard about it.”

“All right,” said Socrates, “So you don’t really know if it’s true or not. Now let’s try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about Diogenes something good?”

“No, on the contrary…”

“So,” Socrates continued, “You want to tell me something about Diogenes that may be bad, even though you’re not certain it’s true?”

The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, “You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter, the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about Diogenes going to be useful to me?”

“No, not really.”

“Well,” concluded Socrates, “If what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even useful, why tell it to me or anyone at all?”

The man was bewildered and ashamed. This is an example of why Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.

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It also explains why Socrates never found out that Diogenes was having an affair with his wife.


On a dull & extremely hot THURSDAY WORK DAY!

Calm them senses

When you want to fade out

Just when you’re about to loose it

 Just Scream

Ahh! them Violins

NOISE!

MOS…. PUMP IT UP!!!

Cliche’s arent always bad

Quick Fix

Dark road ahead

Old is INDEED gold!

Melody in Harmony

Deep kinda stuff

Heavy Lyrics

It all comes down to this

Link  —  Posted: March 29, 2012 in Ramblings...

Mocking Mental Heath Disorders

Posted: February 19, 2012 in Ramblings...

Mocking Mental Heath Disorders.

Realities Misunderstood

Posted: February 13, 2012 in Ramblings...

  • When someone says:

“I’ve had enough I’m going to be myself now” it means = I’m going to be mean and bitchy/assholic in nature, because my niceness served no gain. Because if, THAT is the REAL person…. then honey, why would you not use it in the first place as the means to your end.

  • People have a tendency to be good to others and expect that when their times comes around, the one bestowed a favour on, would come through. DON’T! When did doing good translate to an obligation on another person and a right on oneself to expect the same?
  • When someone calls and asks: “Hey, Whats up?” They don’t really want to know what you’re upto, they have a specific NEED to address in the next opportunity to speak. And when you respond with “nothing much, you tell”. It doesn’t literally mean, NOTHING or they want to know what you’re upto now that you called, while they were obviously doing something worthwhile. This person is either not interested in telling you, or wants you to get straight down to the point. (Surely such calls are made by those who seldom call and/or such conversations take place between people who only call on each other in times of need, another reason could be: this person is crushing on you and wants to make conversation and this is how it usually begins :p)
  • Friendship puts you in a deep deep bond of OBLIGATIONS & EXPECTATIONs. Deal with it, or no wonder you suck at being a friend. It’s also the only bond where there’s always found: acceptance, forgiveness, a ready buffer and all the stupidities in the world. (You may be thinking uh what about family, no…. we don’t choose our family, we choose our friends. It does not apply, what world do you live in for even thinking that? step out of Utopia. This aint it!)
  • On the subject of friendship, if you want to judge a person: Not only will that person’s friends reflect their likeability, the depth of bonds and not the number of friends will tell you how good they are at maintaining their relationships. And the variety of friends will tell you, how easily this person moves in circles of types and how adjustable they are to people and circumstances. To be overly specific, if this person has extreme types in this variety, even better. Because now you know that they aren’t even judgemental. But no one should be judged on their character or personality by the kinds of friends they have, because on the surface they may all be different, all friends will have an underlying similarity that goes deeper than what meets the eye. If you realise this depth is in the sincerity of these types or their street smartness or their socially adaptable natures or their confidence. You will know the common trait between them is what binds them to this person.
  • Couples or generally people who fantasize about “three-somes” *bleah* either have a bad sex life with their partner or their reality is unfortunately so bad, they fantasize such fantasies. SEX is a union between TWO. I’m going to refrain from shoving in my thoughts on same gender relationships but ITS JUST TWO PEOPLE. Not more than that and not less (that’s just masturbation). On the subject, men often fantasize about three-somes with two hot chicks, never a hot chick and a hot guy. The idea is not to have a THREE-SOME but the fun of two at once. Women who fantasize the same, ditto. Men who fantasize about woman on woman action or lesbianism, they lack manhood. Watching one woman do something to another, what you here for? displaying your balls? A typical argument would be to not comment when you havent had prior experience in the said: In my defence, SEX is a sacred union and if you’re having something else I dont know. But from what I heard, it’s a high in a relationship’s peak of love making and expression. When did love become a three-some and to watch women love women? Im sorry it makes no sense.
  • Talk is cheap. Period!
  • People don’t change, they learn to fake better OR they were faking it before and now they have finally embraced their true selves.
  • Everybody hurts. And everybody hurts the ones they LOVE the MOST…. saab ghalti kertay hain(everyone makes mistakes), DEAL WITH IT! Because when you expect forgiveness then be willing to give it, when its your turn to forgive.
  • Everyone doesn’t drink to forget, just as everyone doesn’t pray in remorse. People drink to have fun, fit in a crowd, retain a licence  to act out. People pray to praise the Lord, retain mental peace, in gratitude and a practice of faith. DON’T BE JUDGING YO! Movies have made us all mad! We profile like the FBI & CIA. Shucks!
  • its not enough for someone to want another person, we need someone to want us to need them so much.
  • No one dies from the absence of another, no one will die without anyone.
  • The stronger we are, the more independent we become, the more self sufficient we train ourselves to be, only the harder we fall and the worse it hurts when we try to break this cycle, hoping to hold onto something else other than ourselves in fleeting times of misdirection.
  • The day you stop loving yourself, craving for another to fill up for self respect and self love – Kill yourself, its an abysmal pit
  • Being mature has nothing to do with being emotional. We are human – period. Emotions are not bad, being emotional isnt a crime, be careful whom you give this right to crash your ego.

incorporate into your lives!!


 

The sparks that fly, between you & I.
Creating havoc, destruction in its midst, a tale forever told.
Believed to be a fantastical account,
for how could such passionate beings not forever hold?

It is this very passion, wrapped in fragility
that has brought us here, my love.
For if real tales of eternal bondage were happy endings
This one would be a mere tale of untold love.

………to be continued

Quote  —  Posted: February 8, 2012 in Ramblings...


State of mind like a whirlpool
What an institution
This be that, that be this
Assumptions and substitutions

Pardon my invective nature
My toughest critic, my friend
Leave me in imbroglio
When it’s me you can’t defend

I go through sudden transformation
Inveigh, when I realize
My selfish friend, my enemy
Our insatiable natures and resilient ties

You hear me jabber day in and day out
Yet you fail to conclude
Make me feel like an imbecile
When you leave me for my mood

I love you but I hate you
I could kill you and cry
I’d hate to see you suffer ever
Yet, you, I’d love to defy

Falling in love, a blessing
Being in love, a disaster
The fantasy you’ll be fed up with
Is a trait only I master

Tragedy comes from self-pity
Violence comes from civilization
Greed and lust come from choice
Let me crash into you, you’re my infatuation


The Prominent men in my life, excluding my father of course, like to think of themselves as these characters they put on like clothes. They have clichés in nature of character, they will not admit to. They are easy to figure out, but they will refuse to agree. These clothes they put on: Well, there’s the standard underpants, because I like men neat and clean and tidy, lets give them under shirts too. So there is a white t-shirt and a white underpants for each of these boys — whoops MEN.

This white underwear portrays a simple side to them that does not demand a desperate attempt to figure out its simplicity. It is what it is on the surface, apparent to the naked eye. They are good, decent and loving. They are extremely vulnerable people and as I’d like to believe (rather how I see it) they’re only human. All of us are clad in white underwear, so to speak. Their natures are simple, clear and soft but because it is an offense for a man to be anything that a woman is expected to.. in this case SOFT they will have to cover this white underwear you know of.  The men in my life cover these with the easiest clichés.

Darling CLICHE

Popular among the many is the “bad boy/mind fuck/Casanova” that i call “confused personality” that isn’t actually confused to begin with, but because of all the clichés it is forced to wear, ends up confusing which cliché went first and which went last. These personalities have great sense of humor, oh yes. Theyre charming, of course, how else will they fit the clothing requirement? They have had their heart-broken when they were still in their underpants or under only a see through layer of cliché at best. They will not admit to it, otherwise they cant pretend to NOT be a cliché. You see this heart-broken story is usually not the other person’s fault. Because these darling MEN were either pure ugly back then (yes such is their swan story) or they just stared at her and stared some more, developed a crush, took more time to figure out this crush was love (which of course it wasnt) by which time some other boy had hit puberty and left my darlings feeling like late bloomers. The girl can not be blamed, she was just a bad pick at a bad time at a bad ugly stage of life. In most of these cases this girl under consideration turned out to be a loser. I don’t mean she lost out on any one of my darlings. It just means she wasnt all who she was thought to be. Growing up, these men realized the value of a woman. No scratch that if they were this perfect I wouldn’t be writing about them. They just realized simply there’s more to a woman than a beautiful face or a great body (since we’re discussing men, can not ignore the obvious). So my darling clichés wear their bad boy layer when they hit puberty and see their great looks,  facial hair, glowing skin, husky voices and some, height! They are still big shots when it comes to women but they get this new confidence boost, they brag a little with their mates, they masturbate on a lot of porn (yes they’re still virgins THEY WILL NOT admit it), in this case cheap magazines, they will finally come out of the wardrobe their mummies put them in and embark on a hunt to find their own dress sense (which, whether they like to admit it or not, is ultimately influenced by what their mummies put them in – HAH). A boy’s wardrobe says a lot about him. His shoes, how he wears his hair, colours he sports, socks and of course how effortless in this attire or not he seems to be. This is an art he will try to master all his life, yet still not be satisfied. But that’s not the point to this post, the point is after he has decided for himself, his metaphorical layers of cliché on top of cliché, what person he thinks he has become. Essentially, they are all the same under the sun. I see them as robots. Homogenous products of trashy world of, well trash. So my darlings relate to one another on their supposed levels. Where as I look at each one and wonder how strangely similar they are yet make such an effort to find their common ground. But its pure entertainment I tell you. The game is who figures out which layer of their own that looks the same as another’s after how many wrong guesses and missed opportunities. Most women have them figured out, but these most women don’t give the attention that they deserve. So the “most women” in their lives are also clichés.

Beginning with the popular: SLUT.

S-L-U-T

She is by no means a bad person, she is not a blonde, only pretends to be and her only problem is till she got to my darlings she was having too much fun to bother to find her ultimate direction as every person is meant to. She will be loyal to him (until another temptation should occur: be it in human form or not). She will give him everything that a cliché like him needs. A lot of attention, make-believe love, ego boost, a nice image to the couple and all her time (she isn’t doing anything worthwhile anyway this ambition less, direction less woman). Her problem is, she loves what comes with him more than she loves HIM. She moves from one man to another, like a hobby to another. Strangely so, her justifications are more than satisfactory for those her kind and of course they make sense in her head. She can not be changed, there’s no option of trying, it ends in miserable failure. She has no problem of discussing her past MALE experiences in grave detail with any man, one would think at first glance that she is as honest as a woman gets, but she’s much more clever than that. Judging from her GREAT experience, she’s smart with men. But only so smart, that the fools fall and the well-bred men don’t.

The domesticated, perfect for his family: BAHU.

Bahu is the epitome of domestication, she fits just right up there in his family tree. He is sure she will get along amazingly with his painful mother, sister and love each sibling as her own. She may even have already been introduced to one or two siblings already. There is nothing more to her than being marriage material. In his head, Indian shadi tunes play in the background with every thought of her. She cooks, cleans and does not question him.

Vintage Wife

Nods in approval of everything he says. She has no personality basically. Shes good to look at and the best thing, shes a virgin. But by no means is she the angel she pretends to be. I mean okay so she is a virgin, agreed. But pretending to not know anything and adding to her innocence the fake innocence that is just so hard to believe. She has, rest assured, atleast fantasized about a man in an intimate way. Lets even give her the benefit of her innocence and say the man was faceless. But there was definitely a fantasy there, she may even have touched herself to feel what it would be like. Theres a possibility she secretly watched porn or at least one PG rated movie to get an idea what its like and have her experience goosebumps all over her body. She will not betray him by choice, but because my darling is not the man of her father’s choice she quietly accepts the old hag chosen for her by her parents and anyway he’s much maturer, practical, well settled and has a nicer car than my darling here. But because she’s a loser (and has no interest in cars), she is saddened deeply from the inside. Jokes apart, she is also after all human. But she was never meant for this love business. After the first night with hubby dearest, she’s gone forever. He will sulk and imagine he will never fall for a nice girl again, because it’s a mistake and the very standard things they tell themselves to convince oneself of self-control in matters of the heart. He has some casual affairs here and there and then again he wishes to have something more deep-rooted. To develop a connection with the opposite sex he craves.

The true love, the death-bed bride, his one: WOMAN:

THE ultimate Woman

She is more personality, variations of personality. She is straight forward, genuinely interested and most importantly gives the time of day to notice the white underwear under all his layers of clichés. She does not need to probe or fit herself into his life, she does not obsesses over him yet relishes in the attention he gives her. She does not pretend to be like the slut or the bahu. Yet she has the best of both. She brings out the best in him, isn’t so bad to look at either in fact the aura she gives off makes men and women alike look at the couple in awe. Shes a strong woman, who does not crumble under pressure and carries a brave aura everywhere she goes. In reality she is as fragile and vulnerable as the typical Shakespearean description of a woman is. She appreciates him with his flaws, she accepts the shit that comes with him being himself and moulds herself to not let it affect their relationship. She lets her guard down for him, she makes adjustments here and there to suit to his needs, shares his world view, yet expresses her opinions without offending him.Even takes interest in things he likes for his sake only. She is sometimes moody and after all she’s a female too who needs a little loving. But she never asks for great things. She seems high maintenance when in reality shes simple as they come. Her whole week is memorable with only a sweet word by him. “Babe” or “I love you” or even a phone call to share something silly makes her feel loved. Shes very easy to please and doesn’t demand half as much as the slut or bahu in terms of attention. But she forgets to notice how ungrateful he is of her. He does not realize her true value until he has lost her. And because of his own stupidities at that.

This woman he will shatter, break and destroy without even knowing it. She will keep her feet rooted deep into the ground to stand firm for him. But he will not see this. He will look back at his life at one point in time and miss her with all his heart and maybe even realize her true worth, but either it will be too late or he would’ve lost sight of his own life when he lost her that it will be too much to expect to get back. She will not beg him or cry to make him stay. She will linger around for a while in hope of him realizing her worth until she’s too disappointed to try again. She is full of self-respect and her personality is too strong to let her become someone else and break the rules of fair game, even if it’s for love. She was never half for him to make her whole. She was whole already but he made her happier and more content in her life, thereby complementing her. Basically they were a match that could be a fairytale ending or just a passionate failure because he took her for granted.

Because she had loved, she has no regrets, for she had not betrayed. She will not tilt towards the negative or engage in a desperate attempt to forget him. He however will only think of her and regret losing her, minute things will remind him of her. He will appreciate other women if only they have one quality she did, even if they pretend to have it. He will constantly want to connect with her through such minor connections. Their bond no matter how long or short according to time will be ever lasting and deep-rooted. One that even if they wanted they would not be able to break. He realizes one day, an ordinary day how she made him want to be a better man and still bothered to give him the worth that he did not deserve.

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My darling will be seemingly believable in his reinvention of the man he is today due to his great taste in drinks. Oh yes, he is not cheap but this is a conscious effort. However, there is all doubt he likes vodka like a girl *wink* He likes action movies, but will never admit to enjoying Freddy Prinze Jr express his love for and marry the leading actress of a movie, in real life. He is good in bed, no doubt but a lot of research and education both private and that given to him by his mentors has gone into this talent of his. It had nothing to do with his great understanding of women’s need for enjoyment or his natural aptitude for performing so well in bed. He pursues everything that makes him unique where as he’s as simple as they come. This is what makes him adorable to the woman and only a real woman will stop and take a good look at him. Giving him that worth may be her biggest mistake or her fairytale ending. Regardless he will never know her true worth or the fact that she knows him better than he ever knew himself. She was worth every battle and every change he would’ve made. Because ultimately she will appreciate him for living the way he pleases and he wont ever have to do anything he doesn’t want to do to become a better man.

These darlings of mine can be associated to characters like Chuck Bass, Dean Winchester, and all other characters from movies, series that are pure softies but always put on a tough exterior. In essence, being no different from the woman, who is as fragile inside as a Shakespearean description of a woman can be. Yet she exudes confidence and a strong aura of self, wherever she goes. She is afraid to be crumbled and to let her guard down, only to be shattered by my darling clichés.

A box of HIM

She will eventually get over my darlings, because she’s a real woman. She will look back and think of fond memories but let them stay in a safe box only for her reviewing pleasure. He may become a wrinkle on her face as permanent as the years that have passed since their goodbyes or he may even be a photograph in her wallet. But she will go to her grave with her total dignity intact which nor the slut nor the bahu could master and what a complete woman she was to have had and to hold onto. Loss is to my darlings alone. They eventually deceive themselves with their layers while only one person walks this world knowing about his white underpants and having to love them for them alone.

Grave Secrets